The Project | Doc Heller's Lab | Fanart | Scripts | Project Infinity | Other Stuff

The room is cluttered with strange items and knicknacks of every imaginable variation...and some you have never even imagined before. There are chickens everywhere.

Sitting in a La-Z-Boy and watching Gilligan's Island is a unusual-looking man in a jumpsuit and billed hat. He glances up from his beer at you.

"Come to browse?" he asks. "Go right ahead. Every one'a these babies is the most effective nonlethal weapon of its type on the market today. Just don't knock anything over." He goes back to his leisure.

Around you in the room you see the following objects, as well as their instruction manuals...

Elemental-Based Weapons

Tornado-In-A-Can
Desc:
An innocent-looking green can with a pop-top type lid. Printed in white on the label is the title TORNADO IN A CAN.
Instr:
This miniature twister has been specially compressed for your enjoyment. Just pop the top and toss (quickly). Not necessarily for entertainment purposes only. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Powdered Earthquake
Desc:
A small silver cannister with a dial on the top running from 1 to 10. The label reads: POWDERED EARTHQUAKE.
Instr:
Sprinkle directly on ground for a short tremor. Set dial to desired setting (i.e. 1 for a quake of 1 on the Richter scale, etc.). One dose is used for each number dialed. Cannister contains 10 doses. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Hydrocapsules
Desc:
A small bottle filled with green, transluscent capsules. HYDROCAPSULES, reads the small label.
Instr:
This bottle contains one dozen capsules. Just break capsule to release 1,000 gallons of distilled water. Keep out of reach of pets and children. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Liquid Lightning
Desc:
An amber glass bottle with a screw top. Clear liquid sloshes inside. Printed on the glass are the words LIQUID LIGHTNING.
Instr:
Targets soaked in this liquid will attract all nearby forms of elecrical energy until dried. Apply sparingly. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Fog-In-A-Tube
Desc:
A squeezable tube with a flip-top. The printing says FOG-IN-A-TUBE.
Instr:
The paste contained within this tube will release thick fog when exposed to air. Paste dissolves in approximately 30 seconds, and fog dissipates in approximately two minutes. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Instant Fire
Desc:
A small carboard box. Printed on it are the words INSTANT FIRE.
Instr:
10 tablets. Just add water. Really. Do not eat. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Defensive/Psionic-Based Weapons

Spray-On Armor
Desc:
This looks exactly like a can of spraypaint. A ball bearing rattles inside. The label says, SPRAY-ON ARMOR.
Instr:
A coating of this liquid will render any surface puncture-proof, but tends to crack and flake off when dry. Keep away from heat and flame. Shake before using. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Brainsaw
Desc:
A strange-looking, black, cylindrical device with a large blue suction cup at one end and a lens at the other. There is a large dial on one side, but there is nothing printed on it. There is a small label on the cylinder which reads, BRAINSAW.
Instr:
For instant entertainment, apply the suction cup directly to the scalp. The subject's memories will be projected onto a nearby surface, slideshow-fashion, in still shots taken once every 60 seconds. Use dial to flip backwards or forwards. Limited to 3 hours into the past. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Truthpaste
Desc:
A pink and blue tube with a screwcap on one end and the word TRUTHPASTE printed boldly along its length.
Instr:
This contact chemical compells subjects to answer queries truthfully. Effects last for five minutes or until chemical is wiped off. Do not operate heavy machinery while taking this medication. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Blamethrower
Desc:
This looks very much like a bazooka hooked up to a complicated piece of equipment worn strapped to the back.
Instr:
Fire at multiple targets to illicit hostility between those caught in the beam. Great at parties. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Deathmints
Desc:
A small clear plastic box with a flip-type lid. Several green tablets rattle inside.
Instr:
Causes deathlike state when placed in mouth. Effect ends when mint dissolves (approx. 5 minutes) or is removed. Wintergreen. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Offensive Weapons

Feet-Seeking Missile
Desc:
This 12-inch long object looks very much like a cartoon missile.
Instr:
Programmed to seek out feet and detonate on contact--just press the red button and throw. Explosion is small but very hot. Keep away from moisture. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Shrinker
Desc:
This appears to be some sort of missile-launcher, complete with crosshairs. There is a tank of some kind of liquid attached to it.
Instr:
Chemical in tank rapidly shrinks fabrics to nearly half their original size on contact. Works on woven materials only. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Cherry Bomb
Desc:
Looks like a little plastic cherry.
Instr:
Light stem and toss. The old standby--only this one covers a 5' radius in cherry preserves.

Pineapple Bomb
Desc:
Looks like a plastic pineapple.
Instr:
Light leaves and toss. When a cherry bomb isn't enough. Covers a 10' radius with pineapple compote.

Thistle Launcher
Desc:
This looks like some kind of leaf-blower.
Instr:
Point and shoot to cover target with prickly, sticky, itchy thistles. Don't put your eye out. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.

Glueglobe
Desc:
A small, 3" diameter sphere, made out of thin rubber. It seems to be filled with some kind of thick liquid, as you can see an air bubble floating about slowly inside.
Instr:
These rubber balls aren't for bouncing--throwing them against a hard surface causes them to break and cover a 3' radius with a powerful, quickdrying cement. All rights reserved, Dr. Arthur Heller, Pat. Pend.