Java Corner--Venerable Road(#430Rnh)

	Yet another coffee place. This little cafe is a bright spot of 
warmth and light in the midst of Beacon Harbor's frigid winters, or a 
place for the sleepy morning business types to inject their morning 
caffeine. The counters are clean and made out of a lovely tan wood, as 
are the walls and floor. A small but effective staff mans the 
cappuccino makers and such. Many padded wooden chairs of the same color 
as the counters circle around square wood tables. A huge brick 
fireplace stands against the far right wall. 
	On cold days, there's always a comfortable fire burning there. 
Four large, tan, leather couches circle around the fireplace, with 
small wooden endtables dancing attendance. A long, low coffee table is 
in the center of this cluster. It's made of rugged wood, just perfect 
for putting ones feet up on for a bit, if the mood strikes. A few piece 
of local art in the shapes of woodland creatures and made out of dark 
cut steel decorate the walls. Picture glass windows allow patrons to 
sip their hot beverages while watching the snow that they're no longer 
struggling against, or to contemplate the constant rush of summer 
traffic.


How many capuccinos does that make? Heck with it. Spleen orders 
another, just to be safe. Don't want to fall asleep walking home, nope. 
That would be bad. All those weirdos out there, like 
muggers...carjackers...and the Good-Humor Man. Spleen shudders. Gotta 
look out for yourself, after all.

Blue Raja stands outside the cafe for a moment then decides that yeah, 
he does want coffee. He's been standing here for a while, wondering 
whether or not he should go in. With a final decisive move, he pushes 
open the door, glances over his shoulder, gives Harappa the "stay!" 
hand signal and walks in. The warm air is welcomed, and he just stands 
in the enterance for a moment, taking in the atmosphere of the place. 
Ah. Coffee.

Stupid barista. How can you mix up 'no froth' with 'about a gallon of 
froth'? This capuccino looks like a featherbed after the family Great 
Dane's gotten to it. Oh well. Spleen carefully starts transporting the 
wobbling Tower of Foam back to his corner table when he spots Raja. 
He's surprised to see him...still alive. "Hey, you're schtill alive!" 
he says cheerfully, sidling up to Raja.

Blue Raja fairly bursts with happiness to see Spleen. "Spleen!" he 
says, a bit loudly. He spreads his arms as if to hug his friend, then 
spots the coffee. Good thing he did, too, otherwise it would be... 
well, everywhere. He lowers his arms, jingling slightly, and goes for a 
thumbs-up instead (Dude Man Guy taught him that. Raja does it sideways. 
Hey, still practicing that) "Yes, I'm still alive. I wouldn't daeh stop 
being alive because... well... that would just be plain bohring."

Spleen shrugs a little, minding the coffee. "I dunno. Being dead might 
be fun. Haven't tried it yet. Want schome coffee?" he natters, herding 
Raja towards his corner table. "I'll get it."

Blue Raja is herded like a sheep and doesn't mind one bit. "Well, I 
hope you don't try it anytime soon. That would be dreadfully...er... 
dreadful." He glances out the window to check on Harappa and sighs. 
She's off again, probably scrounging through some trash or getting in a 
catfight--rather, dogfight. He lets it go for now. She always comes 
back.

Spleen sets his intimidating-looking capuccino down. "Well, what do you 
want? I don't recommend the latte here unless you like 'alternative' 
milksch." He waits.

Blue Raja never was one for the foamy stuff. "Just a straight black 
cuffee will suffice, Thank youh." He discretely checks his pocket and 
finds some change. He doesn't take it out though. He's planning on 
paying the tip, if there is one.

"Oh, the baschicsch. Be right back." Spleen saunters back to the 
counter to harrass the cashier.

The door bursts open to emit a very strangely-attired man. He's got a 
stapler, an inkwell, and a clip-on desk light hanging from his belt. 
His clothes are ripped and tattered, and he's got paperclips, 
rubberbands, and Post-it Notes stuck all over him. "Greetings, Ladies 
and Gents!" he shouts cheerily at the patrons in the cafe. "Prepare to 
empty yer wallets and hand over yer rings and watches, yeah?" He 
emphasises his statement by raising his stapler aloft and punching a 
few staples up into the air.

Blue Raja whirls in his seat and glances at Office Supply Man. Then he 
does a double take. What the...? Raja sinks down in his chair. "Well, 
isn't this a fine how-to-do." he mutters to himself. "One minute your 
getting cuffee and the next there's a man shooting staples." He shakes 
his head and checks his forks just in case the guy tries to scotch-tape 
someone to their chair.

Everyone is just...blinking at the newcomer. No one's gone even so far 
as to put down their drinks. Obviously, this guy isn't the strangest 
thing anyone's ever seen. When no one is appearing impressed or 
intimidated, the guy lowers his stapler. "Allright, you've done it now, 
you have." He leans out the door. "Oi! Alice!"

Spleen frowns. "Alische? Who the hell is Alische?"

Alice turns out to be a very large woman in what appears to have once 
been a waitress uniform. It's all covered now in iron-on patches, most 
of them of the skull-and crossbones variety. "ALLRIGHT YOU SCUM!" she 
bellows, pulling a makeshift cutlass made from a notepad and a broken 
blue-rimmed plate from her apron and waving it about. "ALL YOUR 
VALUABLES INNA PILE, NOW!!" The customers lower their drinks this time, 
beginning to look vaguely concerned. That plate looks sharp.

Blue Raja moans. He has no idea what's going on, but he has some idea 
that something bad's going to happen if something doesn't happen 
soon... well, duh. He looks the two villains over, wondering just 
exactly what they're attempting to be. Some sort of pirate gang. Well, 
he always wanted to find a gang of two. Better odds than against those 
disco boys, at least. And then there's Spleen. He glances over at 
Spleen. "Pssst! Spleen!" he whispers.

Spleen steps up to Raja. "You change your mind on the coffee?" he 
whispers back.

Meanwhile Paperclip Guy is running about gleefully, prodding people 
with a four-color pen to make them dig out their wallets. "Listen to 
the lady, sirs and madames!" he crows as people begin to comply. Alice 
is stomping around, waving her cutlass and sneering threateningly. 
Suddenly the guy spies the counter. "All right!" he beams. "Biscotti!" 
"SID YOU IDIOT!" booms Alice. "GET BACK HERE AND HELP ME BEFORE--" A 
blast of noise comes from outside, something like a foghorn. Sid and 
Alice look nervously at the door.

Blue Raja stands next to his chair. "Hey, you two!" he yells. "What do 
youh thank yoher doing, parousing about like youh ohwn this citay?" His 
accent gets very thick for a moment, probably thicker than he's ever 
done it. He looks a bit surprised at himself, even, then takes a step 
sideways to stand next to Spleen. Rather Beside Than Behind, as 
Shoveler once said.

Sid and Alice turn to look at Raja, then. "What?" says Sid at last.

Just then the door is literally knocked off its hinges as a positively 
massive man lets himself into the cafe. He's so big he has to stoop and 
turn sideways to clear the doorframe. He looks like Peter Ustanov's 
version of Blackbeard's Ghost, only less amiable and less transparent. 
"The hell's taking so long in here?" he growls. Sid and Alice take a 
step back.

"IT WAS THE WORM'S FAULT, CAP'N," accuses Alice quickly, jabbing a red-
lacquered thumb towards Sid, who looks indignant. "Was not!" Sid 
blabbers. "I was bein' perfectly piratish! She was the one--"

"Shut up," says the Captain, and they shut up. He surveys the room. "Am 
I to take it not all parties present are obeying orders?" he addresses 
the room, his hand straying to his pistol.

Blue Raja's mouth drops open when the big guy comes in. The odds just 
did a significant turnaround on them. Ooooh, boy. Raja leans towards 
Spleen. "That is one big man." he mutters. If this guy's as strong as 
he looks... or as heavy... then they're all in for it. Whooeee.

Spleen isn't listening to Raja. In fact, he's doing something terribly 
risky. Blame it on the caffeine. "Ooh, ooh!" he cries, waving his hand 
around and doing his best Horshack impression. "I have a queschtion!" 
The Captain eyes Spleen for a moment, and when he doesn't say anything 
Spleen just goes ahead with his question. "What if we don't *have* any 
valuablesch?" he asks. "I mean, what if you only have three bucksch and 
a loosche button, what do we do? Do you juscht want the three bucksch, 
or do you want the button, too? Because I don't know if it'sch a very 
*valuable* button, I juscht found it in the dryer, scho I don't know 
where it came from, exactly..." He trails off and Alice presses her 
Blue Plate Special against his neck. "I guessch you don't want the 
button," he says weakly.

Blue Raja gulps and almost facepalms. Then Alice threatens Blake with 
that plate. No-one threatens Raja's friends and gets away with it. 
"Hey!" he fairly screams at her. "Pick on someone yoher ohwn size!" He 
puts his hands on his hips and assumes the angry-mother stance, eyes 
narrowed, regarding Alice carefully. "Leave him alohne. Or else..." 
(Scrawny guy in turban. Be afraid. Be very afraid.)

Sid's on it. "Hey, freak-o," he sneers at Raja, bounding over like a 
wallaby on uppers. "Watch it or I'll tack you up like a shopping list, 
yeah?" Out comes the stapler again, clicking madly. Staples shower all 
around Raja.

The Captain rolls his eyes, then turns to the cafe patrons again. "See 
here, you maggots," he growls, drawing his pistol. "I'm Union Jack, 
scourge of the city streets and Captain of the Urban Pirates. I hereby 
request every last penny you're carrying, every ring, every watch, 
every gold filling; and I request them *now*." To demonstrate his 
sincerity he fires a shot at one of the coffee bar's giant economy-
sized espresso machines, which explodes in a very impressive shower of 
metal and scalding hot coffee. People scream and start flinging wallets 
and purses at Jack's feet.

Blue Raja just looks even more angry when the staples start to hit him. 
"OOH." he growls (something he must have picked up from Harappa) he 
whirls out two forks and weilds them at Sid as a wallet soars over his 
head and at the Captain. "Yoher messing with the wrohng side of the 
lahw." He intones, and the sends a fork hurtling towards Sid's stapler.

It seems like everything stops as the stapler is knocked from Sid's 
hand and goes tumbling end-over-end across the room and lands with a 
rattle in the tip jar. Coffee drips audibly down the walls. A hush 
falls over the cafe.

The silence is broken at last by a sort of strange...grinding sound. 
What is it? Where is it coming from? It gets louder. Everyone turns to 
look at Union Jack. It's his teeth. He's gnashing his teeth. His face 
turns beet red. Still grinding his molars in fury, he steps over the 
pile of wallets and strides towards Raja. Sid and Alice scuttle away, 
terrified, leaving Raja and Spleen unprotected. "Why," says Jack 
quietly to Raja, "did you throw a fork at my navigator?"

Blue Raja suddenly doesn't look so sure of himself. "I... uh... ahem... 
well..." He gives Jack a huge false smile. "Oh! Those dahn muscle 
spasms, youh know. Heh, heh." he gives a weak laugh as well. "Nevah 
know what'll happen next..." then, under his breath: "Oh, boy."

Jack takes one last stride forward, planting one hamlike hand on Raja's 
chest. "I'll show you a *real* muscle-spasm, skug." He lifts Raja a 
good couple of feet off of the ground. "Prepare for impact." He leans 
back, preparing to hurl Raja into the stratosphere.

"Excushe me," says Spleen politely, tapping Jack on the lower back. "I 
brought you schomething." "Eh?" grunts Jack, half-turning and receiving 
a couple pints of capuccino foam sqaure in the eyes. The big man drops 
Raja and starts stumbling around.

Blue Raja falls back to earth. Thank you gravity. He sits on the floor 
a moment, slightly dazed, dusts himself off, and promptly takes out a 
dessert fork and a salad fork. He waits until Jack stumbles fairly near 
to him then stabs the big guy in the foot with the dessert fork. He 
doesn't wait to see if it goes through the shoe, but scrambles to his 
feet and refills his empty hand with yet another fork.

Well, it's not as if all modern boots are made of steel-tough cowhide. 
It seems Jack prefers suede. He bellows like Vesuvius as he's stabbed, 
and begins hopping on one foot. It doesn't take long for him to trip 
over a table and end up in a heap (albeit a massive, intimidating 
heap). "Sid! Alice!" he roars, sweeping foam from his face. "Scratch 
them! Both of them!"

Spleen hurries to Raja's side. "What do you want to do?" he hisses 
urgently. "Can you do better than a fork in the foot?"

Blue Raja bites his lip. "Actually..." he starts, then notices that 
Alice and Sid are going to "Scratch" them. Whatever that means. He 
hurls a fork at Sid and another at Alice, then turns back to Spleen. 
"Actually, this is my powuh, Spleen."

Sid dodges his fork and Alice flicks hers aside with the Blue Plate 
Special. They're both advancing, their expressions angry. "Yeah, I 
know, you told me..." Spleen tugs on Raja's arm. "But I think it's 
juscht making them *mad*." The foghorn sounds from outside again, and a 
small, wiry man in oversized spectacles scuttles through the doorless 
frame. "Captain!" he squeaks, flailing his spindly arms. "The cops're 
coming!" Jack emits a terribly foul word and, yanking the fork out of 
his foot, lurches to his feet. "Hurry up, you lazy scumbuckets!" he 
snarls at his lackeys.

Blue Raja grimaces as his forks are deflected. Dang and blast. But 
still, they're not going to get away with the money. Raja nods to 
Spleen. "I think youher right. It IS making them evehn mohre mad." And 
this is going to irritate them, as well. He takes a large serving spoon 
out from under his cape and swings it down over Sid's head, since it's 
the only head he can reach. "Drohp the cahsh, you croohk!"

"Ow! Hey! Watch it, ya bugger!" protests Sid, clutching his head with 
both hands. Alice siezes Sid's lapels and hauls him out into the 
street, followed by the little skinny guy. "LET'S GO, CAPTAIN!" she 
shouts in at Union Jack, who's attempting to scoop the money into his 
hat. Jack swears again and gives up, dumping the wallets back on the 
floor. Sirens can be heard now, coming closer. One of the cafe 
employees probably used their cel phone to call the cops. "I'm gonna 
hunt you both down," threatens Jack, pausing in the doorway, staring 
right at Raja and Spleen. "I'll have you keelhauled and then drawn and 
quartered, you see if I don't." And he squeezes outside and flees down 
the sidewalk with his crew. Moments later an engine can be heard 
starting, then the squealing of tires. A large van with portholes 
painted on lurches past the cafe, the logo 'The Busty Wench' emblazoned 
on its side. The top half of a female mannequin wearing very little is 
strapped to the grille like a bowsprit. And then, they're gone.

Blue Raja sighs and picks up the forks he threw. He can't lose many 
now... no mother here to take them from. He quickly tucks them back 
into their little pockets and looks at Spleen contemplatively. "So... 
we have all the monieh back. Nohw what?"

Spleen sighs. "If we're lucky we'll only be arreschted," he comments as 
one of the squad cars screeches to a stop outside and a couple of cops 
come rushing in. "All right, what's going on *now*?" complains Funk, 
scowling around at the cowering people and the coffee-coated walls. 
"Looks like some beatniks had a wild party," replies Maguire, stooping 
to examine a wallet.

Blue Raja blinks a few times. "Whait a moment here..." he mutters. 
"Don't I..." he shakes his head, "No, can't be." Suddenly what Spleen 
said about being arrested sinks in. "Arrested?!" he squeaks. "Why 
should we be arrested? We just... we just... we just vanquished the 
enemy! That just isn't fair!" he splutters. Arrested! Goodness!

Maguire spots Raja and Spleen. "Sullivan," he spits the name out. "I 
should have known. "All right, come on--The hell you supposed to be?" 
he says suddenly, really noticing Raja's attire. "Christ, I think 
Sullivan's contagious," grins Funk, regarding Raja with contempt. "Let 
me guess, you're supposed to be a superhero too?" "Schut up, 
Jeschusch," warns Spleen, getting irritated. "We juscht chasched off 
the bad guysch." "It's true!" pipes up a Good Citizen, picking up her 
purse. "There were pirates!"

Blue Raja gawks at Maguire. "I think I know youh." he mumbles, 
squinting at the cop. He turns to Spleen slightly, keeping his eye on 
the two. "They know youh? Youh have a rehcourd? Oh, deah." He buries 
his face in his hands and tries to think of some way to not get 
arrested, not even noticing the Good Citizen who sticks up for them. 
Suddenly he looks up again. "Alright officeh, this is ouhr stohrieh..."

But Funk and Maguire are floored by this new bit of information offered 
by the woman. "Pirates??" they blurt together, erupting into gales of 
laughter. "Pirates!" gasps Funk, clutching at a chair for support. 
"Sullivan and the Freak Factory over there, fighting...pirates!" 
Maguire's dabbing his eyes with a handkerchief, he's laughing so hard. 
"I heard, I heard!" he huffs between howls of laughter. Spleen glances 
over at Raja. "Know what?" he says. "I think thisch isch our cue to 
schneak away."

Blue Raja holds up his pointing finger and opens his mouth to speak, 
then just nods and sneaks around the cops to the door, trying to jingle 
as little as possible on his way. He spots a fork he missed before and 
quickly snatches it up, though to his dismay this makes him jingle 
greatly. Hopefully Funk and Maguire are laughing loud enough to cover 
up the noise.

Spleen and Raja make it outside uneventfully and Spleen hurries away 
from the cafe, motioning for Raja to follow him. "Well I guessch I owe 
you a coffee," he remarks.

Blue Raja follows Spleen, casting furtive glances over his shoulder to 
check for cops or Harappa. She can find him later, she's smart enough 
to track him. "No, that's okay," he pants, catching up with Spleen. "I 
think I'm on enough of a rush already.

Spleen exhales a bit. "Well," he says. "I don't want to keep you, and I 
guessch I schould actually be working...You're doing pretty good at not 
getting killed, scho I guessch I'll schee you around, okay?" He turns 
to go.

Blue Raja waves at Spleen's back, then remembers the change he had 
ready for the tip. Ah, well. "Cheerio, Spleen! I'll seeh youh around! 
Now where's that blasted dog?"